Wow, I haven’t posted in this blog in a really long time… Obviously didn’t go through with it. I lacked the will power. There was no real attempt for me to get past the first two days. I felt a sadness, one that just wasn’t really … showed, but I continued to use that reason to validate my eating.

A couple of days before Jesse broke up with me I started getting into a more healthy waves of motion. Now, It’s been a good 5 days of eating food with the intention of low caloric intake. I don’t know, maybe 850 average day?

In 3 days, I lost 6 pounds. Idk, maybe because I get a really lose my appetite over a break up with someone I care about ):

It’s OK, there is no reason to be broken hearted over. Gotta get cute. So cute.

I want to be 135 pounds. Hopefully my diabetes leaves my body at that poundage.

Also, my uncle Hernan bought me a bike. I plan to bike three days a week to school and back on my bike. The other two days I demand to be dropped off by my father because the idea of getting up earlier to get ready for school to be to my class by 8 seems maliciously unreal to me.

Wish me luck!

I’m 20 years of age, and I have type 2 diabetes, I am considered to be overweight.

I don’t know if it was intentional or that I became so wrongfully delusional that has made this lump today. Since the beginning of the spring semester of 2011 at Contra Costa College, I have been spiraling down an unhealthy, unproductive well that probably has more affect on me than I like to think about. 

I cared about my self for awhile, and for six long months I haven’t. I don’t know, I can blame it on how I depressed I was/am. Animosity and jealousy underline the problem too, probably. I can’t seem to shake these things that play into it. I’m so caught up in irrelevant things. But that’s pathetic — it’s low and sad, and I can just rag on myself all I want to, but how does that make the gears to keep going move?

I’m at the most unhealthy point, where I don’t even care to check my blood sugar at all. Where taking my medication doesn’t matter to me, and gratuitous amounts of food seems more interesting than the man I love. 

There isn’t any big reason why food makes me feel better, and why I rather eat than do anything else. Obesity has taken tolls of many lives. While there is a more accurate statistic, you don’t need a bunch of percentages to see that people are getting much wider. Those people don’t really matter to me, but the route us Americans, we, living beings are pointing a hypothetical sword at our own backs and walking the plank to jump into a sea of bills, tears and dead bodies.

We point our fingers at everything, so the blame reflects off us onto others about what we look like, who we are, what we did. Nature, nurture, an enigma we can’t explain… Whatever it is, people find a way to steer into the clear of things.

Vanity has scoured our perspectives of what we should look like, the hottest person to emulate, to have the newest and best things. It doesn’t even reflect on beauty anymore. It’s everything. 

But somehow, my own perspective of all this was morphed into not giving a shit.

NOT.GIVING.A.SHIT.WHATSOEVER.

I used to be strong, I used to talk more willingly people, I used to want to do things, I used to be assertive.  Then I gave up. 

—

The day before yesterday, I watched the KTVU morning news. A research study done in the UK claimed that eating only 600 calories a day has helped 11 people revert out of having type 2 diabetes. Whoever they were had to do this for 8 weeks.

http://diabetes.webmd.com/news/20110624/very-low-calorie-diet-may-reverse-diabetes

Seeing this, I don’t know… It gave me some sort of hope, some motivation to get out of this hole I helped dig. While, I know people are different, this is just a study, no concrete evidence that this is a cure… It makes me want to do it, to test myself and get rid of something that has given this momentary lapse of judgement and my unhealthy tendencies since child hood.

I want to see if it’ll work for me.

From this night forward until 8 weeks, or my disease is no longer, I will check my blood 3 times a day, take my medication in a timely manner, eat 600 calories only and get my life back on track.

This Tumblr is made solely to help myself monitor what I eat, what my sugar levels are. It will record my weight and the emotions/thoughts (through images, text entries and other medium) I am having during and maybe images of myself overtime… I don’t know, maybe. 

I don’t think I ate only 600 calories today (June 29, 2011). I know I didn’t I’ll say like 800 tops though.